Dating: Shy Out and About

Dear Sarah,
I recently realized that I am not as open to love as I thought I was. I am very shy when it comes to meeting men. Otherwise I am a very confident person. I'm fine if he makes the first move to initiate conversation, or if I'm in a locale where you're supposed to talk to men like a dating event. But in day to day events, such as the grocery store, mall, or the gym, I get really shy, will avert my gaze and put on defensive body language. My question is, How can I gain more confidence so that I can be open to meeting men in any locale?

-Shy Out and About

Dear Shy Out and About,

It is important to recognize where the shyness comes from. It may be body consciousness or a general fear of rejection. Start off by focusing your mind on the qualities you love about yourself. If you are able to draw from your positive qualities when you are in an unfamiliar situation you may feel more confident.

To further increase your confidence start practicing in the least scary local or with people you are acquainted with, but do not know well. This will begin to build the confidence you need in new situations that are higher on the scary list.

The saying "practice makes perfect" is true in that the more we do something the less scary it becomes. It takes action to reduce anxiety. Just thinking about a situation is not usually enough. Now that you are aware of the fact that you have been averting your gaze and assuming a defensive body posture you can decide what you would like to do instead and try putting it into action. It may help to bring a friend with you as you try it out so that you can get feedback and the take advantage of the confidence boost having an ally can create.

Also, give some thought to you first comment about not being as open to love as you thought. It is important to know where you are coming from with this. Does this mean that you do not feel ready for a relationship? Or does it just mean that you are becoming more aware of the barriers to getting the love that you want?

Just remember that the person you are is unique and wonderful and by allowing others to see that person up close your chances of finding a partner who complements you could be as close as your local produce section!

Sarah