Dear Sarah,
I recently realized that I am not as open to love as I thought I was. I am very shy when it comes to meeting men. Otherwise I am a very confident person. I'm fine if he makes the first move to initiate conversation, or if I'm in a locale where you're supposed to talk to men like a dating event. But in day to day events, such as the grocery store, mall, or the gym, I get really shy, will avert my gaze and put on defensive body language. My question is, How can I gain more confidence so that I can be open to meeting men in any locale?
-Shy Out and About
Dear Shy Out and About,
It is important to recognize where the shyness comes from. It may be body consciousness or a general fear of rejection. Start off by focusing your mind on the qualities you love about yourself. If you are able to draw from your positive qualities when you are in an unfamiliar situation you may feel more confident.
To further increase your confidence start practicing in the least scary local or with people you are acquainted with, but do not know well. This will begin to build the confidence you need in new situations that are higher on the scary list.
The saying "practice makes perfect" is true in that the more we do something the less scary it becomes. It takes action to reduce anxiety. Just thinking about a situation is not usually enough. Now that you are aware of the fact that you have been averting your gaze and assuming a defensive body posture you can decide what you would like to do instead and try putting it into action. It may help to bring a friend with you as you try it out so that you can get feedback and the take advantage of the confidence boost having an ally can create.
Also, give some thought to you first comment about not being as open to love as you thought. It is important to know where you are coming from with this. Does this mean that you do not feel ready for a relationship? Or does it just mean that you are becoming more aware of the barriers to getting the love that you want?
Just remember that the person you are is unique and wonderful and by allowing others to see that person up close your chances of finding a partner who complements you could be as close as your local produce section!
Sarah
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Motherhood: The Mommy Monster
Many of my clients come in dealing with the stresses of parenting. I recently had a client tell me that yelling had become a part of her discipline strategy. As we all know, yelling serves to create little people who parrot back the yelling, even if the yelling is slightly cathartic for us at the time. I have come to see this yelling and frustration on the part of the mom as our alter ego, Mommy Monster. Ok, so this is not the loving wonderful side that we want to show our children. So what do we do to tame the monster? (Short answer: Self Care...Self Care...Self Care)
As I write this I find myself praying that my almost 3 year old will keep taking a nap and that my 6 month old will not start crying. I have carved out a few minutes to get this message out!
Taming the Mommy Monster 101:
I have found that as moms we do not take care of ourselves very well. We are last on our To Do lists if we make the list at all. We put our children first often to the detriment of our relationships with our partners and definitely to the detriment of ourselves. I suggest that if we do not start caring for ourselves we are not going to be able to care for the ones we love.
Take time for mommy! Or better yet take time for the person that you are outside of the mommy role. Find a few minutes each day to take care of yourself. This means something different to each person and I know that finding the time may seem impossible. Give it a try and see if a little stress relief for you might translate into a longer fuse with your children. (Our future goal will be to eliminate the fuse altogether, but lets be realistic to start given that we are indeed only human!) This challenge may mean that you have to ask for help. The saying "It takes a village to raise a child" is so true. We all need help. If you feel that asking for it is a sign of weakness consider the damage not asking for it might do as well.
Try to create a relaxation ritual for yourself and start by asking yourself in general: What do I Need?
As I write this I find myself praying that my almost 3 year old will keep taking a nap and that my 6 month old will not start crying. I have carved out a few minutes to get this message out!
Taming the Mommy Monster 101:
I have found that as moms we do not take care of ourselves very well. We are last on our To Do lists if we make the list at all. We put our children first often to the detriment of our relationships with our partners and definitely to the detriment of ourselves. I suggest that if we do not start caring for ourselves we are not going to be able to care for the ones we love.
Take time for mommy! Or better yet take time for the person that you are outside of the mommy role. Find a few minutes each day to take care of yourself. This means something different to each person and I know that finding the time may seem impossible. Give it a try and see if a little stress relief for you might translate into a longer fuse with your children. (Our future goal will be to eliminate the fuse altogether, but lets be realistic to start given that we are indeed only human!) This challenge may mean that you have to ask for help. The saying "It takes a village to raise a child" is so true. We all need help. If you feel that asking for it is a sign of weakness consider the damage not asking for it might do as well.
Try to create a relaxation ritual for yourself and start by asking yourself in general: What do I Need?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)